Meeting God (Journal from 6/12/2021)

What's the secret to my being?

It is my daily practice of meditation and reading the beautiful teachings.

The most important activity to me is to meditate 30-60 minutes every morning. By no means, I have a "perfect" sitting practice. There are days, I cannot sit more than 10 minutes. I, however, always come back. Because I get to connect with my true self in this space. I feel renewed, settled, and connected with this deeper knowing. It was this deeper knowing -- which many traditions have their own names such as the Universe, God, Brahman, unity consciousness -- that led me to dedicate my life to healing of myself and others. And I am to fully trust this inner knowing through series of events that happened in my life. So today, I have become a coach, writer, and teacher.

I also make sure that I talk to my teachers regularly, at least a few hours in a month. While I spent a couple months of this year in meditation retreat centers, I also love spending time in the "matrix" (ie SF / NYC). The challenge is that then, I often get caught in fear, greed, and jealousy. It is because I am not stabilized in my meditation practice yet. So I create my own spiritual community and spend time with them to come back to the sacred heart as I lead my life in the matrix and enjoy the human experiences.

I'd like to share one particular journal entry from my 10-day silent meditation retreat at Hridaya Retreat Center in Mazunte, Mexico. It was one of the most profound meditations. Just a few days ago, I had gone through an intense purification by being physically sick. I wonder if I could go deep because of that purification coupled with clean, organic vegan diet and abstinence from alcohol or any substances during that time. Just like that, I communed with God.

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June 12, 2021

Today, I have the deepest meditation I’ve ever had. In my self-inquiry of “who am I”, I am met with this deep inner knowing.  In that space, I am one with the universe that permeates every being. And because we are one and connected in this way, I know that I can manifest anything and everything I set my mind to. When I set my intention, the universe conspires to realize my dreams. 

I feel that subtle energy field permeating and vibrating through my entire being… my body and my mind. I think about Roma and what she was saying. That was true. It is so delightful, beautiful, and joyous. I see that light and energy everywhere in my body, particularly in my lower back so it can heal itself. I do the upward facing dog yoga pose, and the lower back flexibility has gotten noticeably better… overnight! From that terrible illness two nights ago, something is unleashed in my back. While seated, I am floating. I sense my entire body. There is no ache at all. Only pure awe that is marvelous, weightless, and blissful. 

When I am connected with that deep light and the universe, I hear this voice. And that voice tells me the following:

First, my personal mission is “pray, serve, play.”

• Pray: I believe that we are this vast awareness in our essence. In that space, we are all connected. So we look after each other and care for each other. I meditate (“pray”) to come back to my sacred heart to see the reality of our being and deepen my connection with the unity consciousness. It allows me to access deeper wisdom and powerful intelligence of the universe.

• Serve: Because I believe that we are all connected, what matters most to me is to elevate the vibration of the humanity. So I dedicate my life for the healing of myself and others.

• Play: Life is so precious that deservers to be fully lived and thoroughly enjoyed. I have deep appreciation of our humanness and for the chance that I was born as a human and am given this life. So I want to enjoy the spontaneous joy of play — dancing, singing, hugging, laughing, creating, all of it.

Second, publish a book to share my story. Share your stories as they are. Nothing to hide, just be authentic and truthful.

There is no ounce of doubt. In that space, I hear the voice saying that “Aerin, you are taken care of.” I feel deeply embraced by this beautiful inner play of cosmic energies. All I need is to be aware and do my part to create conditions for my dreams to come true. The rest is up to the universe, this mysterious life force. And whatever happens, it is what it is. Whatever happens, I know I am taken care of. And what’s mine will come find me.

No words are necessary. There is no mask to put on. I embody grace and presence. Embodying the essence of who I am. I am the divine goddess. I am good. I am capable. I am ready. Life itself is a long meditation. 

I am not religious and I may now understand what it means to commune with God. Through my meditation, I just met my God.